What went wrong as we grew up
Growing up is the biggest scam ever, agree? But are you willing to again go through those long years? In this blog, I explain why we hate growing up; How we are in a love-hate relationship with our grown-up selves and why we should not take nostalgia seriously.
For some unexplained reasons, my social media feeds were flooded with ‘growing-up-and-nostalgia’ memes recently. One complained of how by 23, she wanted to figure out everything, and now she is 24. Another had a collection of 10-year-old songs and how he wanted to go back in those times. Similarly, others were also heavily soaked in nostalgia. My state of mind was no less different. Friends sharing college days’ pictures, school memories and childhood flashbacks; all were taking a toll on me!
But paradoxically, My last blog was about how I wanted to live by myself. How moving out of my home and living alone had made me delighted. (Haven't read yet? Read here). Given a real chance to go back to old times, one would like to go. But what about staying forever there? Going through those long years which had their own issues? We start getting second thoughts. I love this newfound grown-up life where I can dictate my terms.
This peculiar state of mind puts us in a love-hate relationship with our grown-up selves. Apparently, there's more hate than love at times. So what went wrong as we grew up? Here are a few reasons I could think of why we hate growing up.
1. Who loves responsibility?
The spectacle of how I used to return to my school-hostel after a vacation is still vivid in my mind. While I with my friends would eagerly chatter about vacation, our parents would smile at us, often laden with heavy bags.
Fast forward to today. If I have to go somewhere, I’ll do the tickets, pack all the stuff and travel alone. Now there is a responsibility to act in a ‘responsible’ manner(whatever that mean). Serious responsibility towards family and friends. We grew up from choosing which brand of pen we want to write with to choosing which career we want to pursue.
As we adulted, responsibilities arrived like an unexpected guest, and we were caught unprepared. Sometimes we crave for our carefree past. This is more so magnified if we are in a rough patch. Growing up is the biggest scam ever, agree?
2. We learnt the truth about society
It is said that Ignorance is bliss. The less you know, the more you are unaware of adjacent dangers. Growing up snatched that luxury from us. Now we know that there are people around us who can turn out to be monstrous for us. Unlike our earlier understanding, society is a group of opportunist people going to the extent of conspiring against us.
When we thought our goodness will be valued, society valued power,
When we thought our smiles would count, society counted the money, And,
When we thought our individuality will matter, what mattered is identity.
And when I say society, I include me too, including you. Sometimes we lament the fall of innocence that happened as we grew up. We all are guilty of lying, hurting and ridiculing other people, no exception. The kind of society we live in and the sort of politics it plays- Ah! Did we grow up to find out this?
3. From Facebook to Meta
Every generation grows up with something legendary. And when it narrates those stories to the next generation, they hear it with awe and surprise. The legend of our times is the digital revolution, with Facebook as its poster boy. It connected people like never before and became part and parcel of our lives.
So what went wrong? The problem arose with creating our dual identity, Where the virtual one took over the real. We are something else on Instagram and something else at our home. We learned to love, hate, celebrate and grief online. The aggregate impact is that we isolated the real people around us, created a fake self, and grew lonelier. I wonder if our previous generation would have faced such isolation and duality!
4. And then the pandemic happened…
Two years is a long time in the life of humans- almost 3% of their life span. In the past two years, we got bored of living. Our vocabulary switched to weird words like Covid, Lockdown, Zoom, Omicron etc. We miss the times when Delta was just a mathematical symbol or a geographical feature.
These adverse years have a profound impact on our psyche, more for those transitioning from school to college. Personally, 1.5 years of my college life just vanished. While many relationships might have broken down, many of us lost our close ones- all because of some stupid virus. In these circumstances, nostalgia becomes natural as well as desirable.
5. But wait, What if there's nothing that went wrong!
What if I tell you that whatever I said so far was just a trap to make you feel better, and there is nothing wrong with the outside world. This society is only the way it is for ages; pandemic didn't happen for the first time; that, which is offline, is only online. Hating responsibility and thinking of a carefree past is merely a time-tested escape mechanism.
There is a fundamental conflict between our desire to celebrate our freedom and our desire to be still cared for. Our flirtations with nostalgia is a consequence of that conflict only. If anything has gone wrong it is this: few incidences have broken our self-resolve beyond repair. By overthinking we have made mountain out of a molehill. We are yet to learn the art of self-contentment.
While talking to one of my friends about the past, he commented- “It will never be the same again”. Yes, It will never be, and it need not be. That's why we would treasure our past years of growing up. The glorious growing up years. But if yesterday was good, tomorrow will only get better. Why be a prisoner of the past? The stagnant water only perishes. Last but not least, leaving you with what Master Oogway said- Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called a present.
